i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't deserve a penis
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
