come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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