I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
