During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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