i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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