Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
