i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
