If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
