i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
