oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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