just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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