Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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