it wasn't lemon gatorade
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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