"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
