SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sober January is a disaster.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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