okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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