your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
