He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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