nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
