I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
