Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
