It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My balls are so social today.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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