We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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