Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
