my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
