I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I still have a little drunk in my system
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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