Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
