wakey wakey hands off snakey
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
