at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
