i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
