Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
