Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
