I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
