OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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