I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
