and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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