thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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