ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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