loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
