I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
