So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
