We won't sleep together?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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