I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
