It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
