i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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