i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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