So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think my mom watched the whole time
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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