You're so nebulous sometimes
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
