Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
