So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
