I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
